We don't have much time. On December 21st, the world as we know it will end in a catastrophic series of events leading to the downfall of the planet. It's already started: Gangnam Style is about to reach one billion views on YouTube, LeBron James has finally been named the NBA's season MVP, the Twilight Saga has run out of films and the All Blacks lost the other week. Since there's clearly nothing we can do about it, you might as well listen to some music as it happens. Here are a few suggestions:
For People with an Unoriginal Sense of Humour:
AC/DC: Highway to Hell
The most popular funeral song of all time, this might be funny if it weren't such a worn-out idea. Frankly, the idea of listening to Australia's least creative, most generic rock band at the end of it all isn't all that appealing anyway, but that hasn't stopped thousands of people so far.
For Those with a Slightly More Original Sense of Humour
R.E.M.: It's the End of the World as we Know It
The Seattle-based group's environmentalist warning may be slightly preachy in the verses, but the chorus provides an anthem of sorts for people looking to see things out with something resembling a campfire singalong.
Going with a Bang
Skrillex: Kill Everybody
Sonny Moore's pulsating dubstep beats are about as close as music gets to recreating the end of creation. This early track is lyrically appropriate for any post-apocalyptic rave while, if played loud enough, the bass frequencies should tune into the sound of the planet tearing in half.
Going with a Whimper
Sigur Rós: Svefn - G - Englar
A sublime piece of sonic craftsmanship from north of the Arctic Circle. Warm and ethereal, this song is the one to choose if you feel like drifting away rather than exploding.
For Those Who Want to Listen to an Album
Soundgarden: Superunknown
Of all the alternative rock albums released in the '90s, none captured the paranoia and apathy of its generation-X listeners quite like Soundgarden's magnum opus. A devestatingly brutal portrait of a society on the brink of collapse, leading to ultimate self-destruction. Some nice guitar solos too.
In Case Superunknown Finishes Before it's all Over
Massive Attack: Mezzanine
The Bristol trip-hop collective's 1997 work is thematically similar to Superunknown, offering a distinctly British spin on urban decay and rising crime levels in their home city. Don't be fooled by the angelic Teardrop, this is one seriously dark album. Also it's fairly front-weighted so if the end comes unexpectedly early you'll have already heard most of the good stuff.
If It's all Getting a Bit Much
Rabbit J: Happy Things
There's some weighty material on this list, so you may feel the need for a dose of sunny Korean cabaret pop. Or even if you don't, this video is essential viewing for the end of days in that it allows you to forget whatever might be going on at the time by way of sheer charm.
The Disturbing Coincidence
Rebecca Black: Friday
December 21st is a Friday. In this satirical portrayal of a totalitarian, post-apocalyptic society, a young girl finds her daily routine strictly regulated ("gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal"), struggles to fit into the brave new world ("which seat can I take?") and offers a warning to the world in the chorus. "Gotta get down on Friday" clearly refers to taking cover in the midst of a revelatory event. And yet no-one heeded Rebecca Black's words, because they were too busy shredding her video in the YouTube comments section. I'd say she deserved it.
The Song that Caused it All
PSY: Gangnam Style
At this point in time, no video has registered 1,000,000,000 views on YouTube. At the current rate, the Korean dance track might just reach the landmark by the end of the week. According to a 100% genuine Nostradamus prophecy:
"From the calm morning, the end will come, when of the dancing horse, the number of circles will be nine."
"Calm morning" referring to the sun emblem on the South Korean flag, "dancing horse" being PSY's horse-riding dance and "nine circles" matching up to the nine zeros in the view counter.
"From the calm morning, the end will come, when of the dancing horse, the number of circles will be nine."
"Calm morning" referring to the sun emblem on the South Korean flag, "dancing horse" being PSY's horse-riding dance and "nine circles" matching up to the nine zeros in the view counter.
Yes, this was written retroactively to sound real but the idea is so blatantly ridiculous that no one took it seriously, except for a large part of the internet population. Not much hope for us either way, it would seem.
The Song for all of Humanity
Electric Light Orchestra: Mr. Blue Sky
If, once all of these options are exhausted, the world finds itself in silence, there really is only one song that can be played. Mr. Blue Sky is one of those songs that cannot fail to make anyone who hears it happy. And why not face the last judgement with a smile on your face, remembering the good times you got to have while you were here? This video features clips from David Lynch's Eraserhead, a film that taught us not to fear the end of the world, because in heaven, everything is fine.
See you on the other side!
TJGreenwood.
